# Her indoors/the accountant/the killjoy



## glenn farrar (13 Oct 2014)

Hi guys was just wondering if any of you had any tips on dealing with the better half! I have only just started up so obviously I need stuff, lots of stuff, lots of lovely techy shiny glassy stuff.......but I really get it in the neck if I even mention a new tank or filter or anything really.
Please help!  Any tips greatly received

Glenn


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## Bhu (13 Oct 2014)

Ha ha did she find out about the stockings  

First tip never say how much it was just go oh it was cheap...

Second tip it came from a friend... 

Third top act dumb lol 

Ha ha ha they come around eventually lol


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## glenn farrar (13 Oct 2014)

Hi Bhu don't even mention the stockings I have just ordered some new stone and already have my eyes on her stockings 
Sadly our joint account rules out the "oh it was really cheap" trick but I am very good at acting dumb

cheers


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## Bhu (13 Oct 2014)

Ha Ha ha your in trouble then! You need to create a cash account by selling your stuff for cash, car boots, selling plant cuttings, shrimps on ebay, washing cars ha ha ha so you can just buy it out right then 

Else good luck!


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## glenn farrar (13 Oct 2014)

Hmm it's looking bad! Maybe I could sell her car I am sure she won't notice
I think I am going to have to have a rethink!


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## Bhu (13 Oct 2014)

Ok new approach! Chocolates, flowers and foot massages... Then I gently drop in the conversation I need.... With your best persuasion voice


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## glenn farrar (13 Oct 2014)

Lol that may be the only way actually! I will massage her feet whilst singing some Michael Buble!! That should do it, I will let you know how it goes.


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## Bhu (13 Oct 2014)

Ha ha ha worked on mine


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## Andy Thurston (13 Oct 2014)

Divorce?


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## Bhu (13 Oct 2014)

Ha ha ha big clown now that's extreme lol !


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## Dantrasy (13 Oct 2014)

Buy something and leave it in the garage for a week or two. In plain sight. When you bring it into the house she'll think it's been around a while and you're just fetching it.


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## glenn farrar (13 Oct 2014)

Now you got me thinking . It could be the only way Big clown! I will gauge her reaction when I tell her about the co2 setup I need and go from there, because I don't think my impression of the Buble is going to cut it


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## Julian (13 Oct 2014)

Get stuff delivered to work... mine got suspicious with loads of parcels turning up from ebay, even the post man started to complain!


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## glenn farrar (13 Oct 2014)

@Dantrasy I like your style but it's the joint account that gets me every time! She is like Sherlock Holmes when it comes to the finances


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## Mick.Dk (13 Oct 2014)

I'd guess your cosmetic expenses are lower than hers...............compensation ??? (Or will she just argue it's a tribute to you ....)


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## glenn farrar (13 Oct 2014)

@Julian another good idea if I wasn't self employed and I didn't have the joint account
It's looking like divorce I reckon!

@Mick.Dk I am lucky in the fact my wife doesn't go for make up and all that but......... she spends thousands on the kids so maybe the compensation route might work!!

Or maybe not.


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## dw1305 (13 Oct 2014)

Hi all, 





glenn farrar said:


> Sadly our joint account rules out the "oh it was really cheap" trick


 I have the same problem.

cheers Darrel


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## glenn farrar (13 Oct 2014)

@dw1305 so how do you do it what's the secret?


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## Tim Harrison (13 Oct 2014)

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission...


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## Mr. Teapot (13 Oct 2014)

Make sure you get any mail order delivered to work - those little pots of 1-2-grow ended up being re-counted as £1 each, a Grobeam tile as £20… works for me every time! Cash at the LFS also.

And if you decide to go with CO2 - never, ever say you are going to have a compressed gas cylinder in the house. Pressurised = Danger, Gas = Danger, Co2 = Certain death by suffocation. Logical or balanced? None of it will matter. I've ended up just hiding a small 600g disposable tank in the cabinet under a cardboard box.


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## roadmaster (13 Oct 2014)

Christmas is just around the corner.
Why not ask her what it is she want's for Christmas while hinting later (at least a week),that her continued love and support is all that you need but the CO2 kit would be more than you could ever hope for .
If she balks,, then buy her some granny panties and a set of pot holders.


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## kirk (13 Oct 2014)

Sorry guys, mines good as gold and incorages me. I do the same for her interests, we are not here long if you can't do the things you injoy what's the point in being together. If I want to be a sofa bear one days I'm a sofa bear, she will be out kayaking, cycling. I never have understood this trouser wearing scenario.......we have a leg each.  I don't go out to the pub those things don't interest me. I'd rather stay home and play with my aquatic bits.


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## glenn farrar (13 Oct 2014)

@Mr. Teapot I think not even mentioning pressurised tanks is a wise move as I am certain she will indeed believe that certain death will entail and probably involving one of the kids!

@roadmaster already mentioned a possible Christmas pressie but it was a no go so rubbish pants and an iron it is
@kirk I don't drink or smoke or do any of those money wasting pastimes and all i want to do is embrace my new found hobby but alas I don't have the backing of my better half

So the winner so far is Troi!! I think I am just going to have to weather the storm and beg forgiveness quite alot


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## tim (13 Oct 2014)

I think a few of you fellas need to ask for your trousers back  I always use the it's for the good of the fish darling, you wouldn't want any harm to come to the poor little creatures


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## parotet (13 Oct 2014)

dw1305 said:


> Hi all,  I have the same problem.
> 
> cheers Darrel


Me too... No secrets regarding the expenses. Make your tanks look beautiful in the living room (your experimentation tanks, your tanks with algae, breeding tanks and so on are much better in the garage). She would look at it as a nice piece of furniture. I also show her gorgeous tanks on YouTube or bring her to the fancy LFS where there are stunning ADA tanks... so she is aware that something even more beautiful can be there one day (she doesn't know this is just an illusion... )

I guess all this is not really the secret, I guess she just let me be to avoid this pressure lol

Jordi


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## Lindy (13 Oct 2014)

kirk said:


> I never have understood this trouser wearing scenario.......we have a leg each.


That is so true Kirk, hubby and I the same. He does his HEMA sword fighting and i do tanks lol...


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## parotet (13 Oct 2014)

kirk said:


> Sorry guys, mines good as gold and incorages me.


Yep, TBH that's my situation. Anyway not bad to point out that: I don't smoke, I don't like very much spending my time and money on pubs, I don't like big and expensive cars... so I joke and say that she's is lucky to live with someone whose worst obsession is having plants in a glass cube!


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## ian_m (13 Oct 2014)

I kept a spreadsheet of running costs, but when it got to near £1000 I deleted the file so it could never be found and be used against me.


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## EnderUK (13 Oct 2014)

My lass picks the fish and the plants...... From the selection  show her.


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## sparkyweasel (14 Oct 2014)

Get the kids interested?


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## James D (14 Oct 2014)

I'm ashamed to say I just lie through my teeth, it's for the good of the relationship though. 

Seriously, If I was starting up again I'd get used equipment off here or PFK for a fraction of the price of buying new.

If I was married to Ldcgroomer I'd definately have to put my foot down about the cost of that fish room!


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## Alastair (14 Oct 2014)

Wow I never realised how many members tell porkies just to prevent ear ache ha ha. 



At the end of the day, neither partner should have the say over what can and can't happen, should be equal. 
 I'd just do it anyway, what's the worst that can happen?? She finishes you, packs her bags and leaves, therefore giving you even more room for tanks. Yayyyy Win win.
obviously if it's to the point where your taking over under the stairs (cough lindy cough) then I'd have to have a word lol. Only joking. 

I can't say anything, my 3rd bedroom in my new house was to be a living room/study room for my daughter l.......................it's full of filters lights ferts substrates tanks you name it just enough space to get my bike in and out. 
Don't know where I'm squeezing Dan,  George and couple of others when I set my new tank up shortly


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## dw1305 (14 Oct 2014)

Hi all, 





glenn farrar said:


> so how do you do it what's the secret?


 Same as the others really, spend as little as possible, and then as cash. Try and buy things via Paypal, but only when my Paypal account is in credit. Get any parcels sent to work. 

I have to buy small items (fluorescent tubes, some biological items) for work and then claim the money back, so if the supplier is ambiguous and she asks what it was I can say "_That was for work, I'll get the money back when I put my claims in_" , and at least that buys me a little time.

A few years ago I was actually in credit (if you ignore electricity), because I had fish that I could sell to local LFS (juvenile _Hypancistrus_ and _Apistogramma_) mainly, it brought in  ~£100 a year. 

The problem was that I wanted to try different fish and I ended up with no spare fish, or spare fish that there was no market for locally.  

cheers Darrel


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## OllieNZ (14 Oct 2014)

I'm in the same boat as kirk. We have just sold our large L shaped couch and gone for a smaller 3 seater so I can have another tank in the living room. She's not overly interested but knows more about fish keeping than she is willing to admit and as long as they are kept clean and not filled with brown fish she's happy. Just looking into embarking on my first reef tank  and she didn't bat an eyelid.


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## matt (14 Oct 2014)

How about..................


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## GreenNeedle (14 Oct 2014)

tim said:


> I think a few of you fellas need to ask for your trousers back  I always use the it's for the good of the fish darling, you wouldn't want any harm to come to the poor little creatures



This is pretty much me too.  I don't ask her or even tell her.  I just buy it.  I don't expect her to ask if she can buy things (as long as she doesn't go mad) nor do I question why she needs to spend £20 a month to use a weight watchers scale or £15 a month to a gym to use the floor for aerobics, shower and exercise bikes when we have a floor a shower and an exercise bike at home.

If you have to beg for stuff then there is something wrong


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## glenn farrar (15 Oct 2014)

Ok so I have taken all your advice and purchased a second tank, 2 tiles and controller a regulator and loads of wood and stone, so if you see a short man asleep in a doorway under some cardboard with all this gear say hi because that will be me


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## parotet (15 Oct 2014)

SuperColey1 said:


> If you have to beg for stuff then there is something wrong


If you earn your own money and as an adult... I think most of us don't really need a permit. It is rather a self-justification. I know I could spend 10 times more on aquarium gadgets but I try to keep calm, to convince myself that I really don't need all that stuff and that if my tank doesn't look as nice as I would like it is just my lack of skills, that afterwards you do not use all of them, etc.... and this kind of game with your partner is more or less that.
I remember one day I found myself explaining to my wife the features of the new filter I wanted to purchase and how this was going to change 'our lives'... You can imagine her face. She just asked me if my colleagues at the forum agree with the decision 

Jordi


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## Lindy (15 Oct 2014)

James D ! Lol....


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## GreenNeedle (15 Oct 2014)

parotet said:


> If you earn your own money and as an adult... I think most of us don't really need a permit. It is rather a self-justification



Exactly.  I'm not suggesting splurging without a conscience.  As long as it isn't a selfish act then I don't see a problem.  After all if I want something expensive and we can afford it without it restricting other plans / needs then I go for it.  It will often mean I am uber tight afterward too.


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